should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
