Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
