I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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