tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
