Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
