i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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