I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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