we have pet lesbian snakes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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