Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
