the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We are two peas in an std pod
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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