Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
