he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
