brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize