I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
