i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
