Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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