i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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