I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
