I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
