WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
