her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
