i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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