I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize