did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
