I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
