I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
