really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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