thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
