he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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