why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
