dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
