When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
