i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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