Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
