His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
