a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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