Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
