Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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