if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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