i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Randomize
