you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
