Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
