I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize