I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
