Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
