I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my being single is dangerous.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize