Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
