ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
