The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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