Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
