Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
