Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
