3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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