Plan B is the new Plan A
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
