you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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