Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I lost the right to judge tonight
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
