Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
