The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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