Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
