am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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