she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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