he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
