but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
