Are we in a gay sports bar?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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