The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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