put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize