Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
