I am puke
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
