Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, donβt meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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