dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
