don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
