Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
