you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
